Saturday, October 4, 2014

I dreamed about you last week

I hardly ever dream about real people. I don't know if you remember that. My brother dreams about my grandma all the time, my dad dreams about my mom. I've never dreamed about either one of them.

Anyway you were there for two nights last week. The second night I saw you and Jesse both. This isn't the first time I've dreamed about you since we fell apart. In the other dreams you have been wild, raging, weeping, unhinged. Like a hurricane in the body of a person. Last week you were calmer, and you spoke to me, and we talked to each other a while. 

One of the things I told you in the dream is something I had been thinking about in real life. I saw a new picture of you the other day, on your Facebook wall. I know we're not friends anymore but I go to look at your page once in a while. Maybe you do the same thing and can understand why I do it. Maybe you just think I'm a creepy stalker. 

Anyway I saw this picture of you in a photo booth with some other folks. My eyes went right to you. They still do. And the words in my head immediately were "you're beautiful."

I don't say that to try to give you a gift. You don't belong to me and never did and what I say about seeing your picture has nothing to do with who believe and know yourself to be. 

I just wanted you to know that it's still the first thing I think, when I see you. 

I miss you so much. I wish we could talk to each other like we did in my dream. Until then I will talk to you here and hope the unlikely hope that you will someday find these words. 

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